it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm always down for nudity.
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