i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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