Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
