I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's shark week go big or go home
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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