i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
