she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
