yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
