We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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