So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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