eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
