yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
