I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
