did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
