So drunk its hurt
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
