He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
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I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize