you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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