i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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