Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
