Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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