i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
