Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
