Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
