I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
