I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
