kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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