call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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