Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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