I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
