Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
