i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
