Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
