i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
