i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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