he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
