Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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