He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
