I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
