i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
