Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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