I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
