I got chris browned last night
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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