textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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