she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i think my mom watched the whole time
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
barbara walters just said penis...
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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