Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
