Please, let me fuck your mom
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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