ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I cockslap morals
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
