So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
