Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We don't watch enough power rangers
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
