are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
