dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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