Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
