I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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