did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I faked an abortion last night.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
