...so i touched it.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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