i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
