she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
a search helicopter?!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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