i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
