so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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