Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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