Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
