i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
