He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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