I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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