he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
