i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
