Heybabeimwearingurpanties
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
