Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
