I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
