You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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