he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
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Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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